My dissertation is written in caffeine, in earl grey and cardamon tea and instant coffee, but the hidden truth is that it's written more in bourbon, scotch, rum, gin, vodka, sake, beer, wine, and a few other spirits I swallowed over sleepless nights. I never drink in the daytime. I sometime revise my writings (or write emails and a diary) with glasses of whiskey at night, but I'm basically sober when I seriously write drafts. However, looking back at my life of past few years, I just wonder how many bottles I've consumed, alone and in loneliness, in confusion and anxiety. I was perhaps in the state of hangover nearly every day. And now pretty drunk at 5:20 and looking forward, I ask myself whether this intoxicated life continues in coming years which will perhaps be possessed by other kinds of anxiety like finding a job, friends to talk with, a place to live in.
