The more I teach, the more paranoid I become. An obsession possesses me that I shouldn't let students go without having them understand subjects as I think they should do so. This domineering tendency intensifies despite my desperate anarchist effort of preventing its spread and nurturing alternative pedagogical paths. I seem to be trapped in a double-bind situation where the madly enlightening side of me is in conflict with the no less madly nihilistic side of me, none of which can satisfy me independently, while no cooperation of them is conceivable. How can I get away from this vicious loop?
